Updated: Jul 26
To Read Part 1, Click Here
To Read Part 3, Click Here
Do you keep manifesting bad relationships? Relationships where at first you thought it was perfect, and then it all fell apart in a wild fury of tears and anger? Do you find yourself scratching your head about what went wrong, or wondering why you didn't see the now very obvious red flags in the first place?
Relationships are a reflection of where your love vibration is currently at. If you keep manifesting relationships that turn from sweet to sour, it means that you have some gunky limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck in less-than-stellar relationships. But don't worry; all vibrations can be changed. Read today's article to learn the 2nd of the top 3 reasons why you keep manifesting bad relationships and what you can do to change those limiting beliefs and land the partner of your dreams!
(I want to add a note here: if you are in an abusive relationship, leave that relationship immediately. This article is not about condoning violence or saying that it is okay for someone to hit you or hurt you - it is about learning how to raise your vibration so that you do not keep attracting these unwanted relationships.)
You Are Focusing on External Values Instead of Internal Ones
Us women in particular tend to fall into this trap. We think that the important thing to focus on when finding a partner are more external things like height, weight, hobbies, etc. instead of focusing more generally on how we want our partners to make us feel internally.
Many of us are playing the Game of comparison without realizing it. When we focus on those external things, it is largely in part because we are afraid of how others will judge via our choice in partner. A tall, buff partner or a sexy, slim partner gives us a sense of status amongst others. It sends the message to our peers and our community that we are hot enough/smart enough/perfect enough to have gotten with this person.
But if we focus too much on finding a person that fits this external facade so that we feel rewarded by society, then we are expecting society to approve of us so that we can then give ourselves permission to feel good. We are making our happiness dependent on others, instead of on ourselves. We consequently date people that are not right for us, while losing out on opportunities to find someone who is actually a great match!
Because landing a good partner is not so much about what a person looks like or does, but instead about how that person makes you feel.
The Stoic Atheist
This can be a little confusing, so here's a personal example: I thought for years that it was absolutely essential for me to date someone who was just as into personal development as I was. I thought that if our interests didn't line up in that same way, that we would have a horrible clash in values and have a terrible relationship.
So I was very surprised when the love of my life turned out to be a stoic atheist. Because, as it turned out, us having the same spiritual beliefs and penchant for self-help books was not important. That desire came from another, more externally-based desire of wanting people to view us as perfect for each other (regardless of whether or not we were, in fact, perfect for each other).
I found out that what is important to me is that we shared the same desire to better ourselves and actively look for opportunities in the world. That we shared the same value of self-determination was the vibrational alignment I really desired from my partner, not that we both read The Power of Now. Had I been too strict about him also needing to be super spiritual, I would have missed out on a wonderful, fulfilling relationship!
Is It Your Value or a Limiting Belief?
So when trying to find the perfect partner, ask yourself: what are the values that are important to me? Why? Is it truly my own value, or is it a limiting belief that I picked up from society?
Does he have to be tall or does she have to be short in order for us to have a great relationship, or is that a limiting belief that I picked up from my culture? Does he have to make 6-figures a year, or do I really just want stability and ease? Does she have model-gorgeous, or do I really just want to be with a partner that I find sexy and thinks I'm sexy as well?
As an exercise, write down everything you can think of that you want from a partner. Review each point you wrote down, ask yourself if this is an important, non-negotiable value or if this is a limiting belief. If it's a limiting belief, ask yourself what the feeling is that you really want.
When you have a solid sense of what it is that you want (not society), then you will be able to more easily activate that vibration and start manifesting amazing potential partners!
Enjoy the 2nd part of this series on relationships? Looking for someone to help you work through your limiting beliefs about love? Sign up for a 1:1 private coaching session with me to declutter those limiting beliefs for good so you can manifest your dream partner.