To Read Part 1, Click Here
To Read Part 2, Click Here
Do you keep manifesting bad relationships? Relationships where at first you thought it was perfect, and then it all fell apart in a wild fury of tears and anger? Do you find yourself scratching your head about what went wrong, or wondering why you didn't see the now very obvious red flags in the first place?
Relationships are a reflection of where your love vibration is currently at. If you keep manifesting relationships that turn from sweet to sour, it means that you have some gunky limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck in less-than-stellar relationships. But don't worry; all vibrations can be changed. Read today's article to learn the last of the top 3 reasons why you keep manifesting bad relationships and what you can do to change those limiting beliefs and land the partner of your dreams!
(I want to add a note here: if you are in an abusive relationship, leave that relationship immediately. This article is not about condoning violence or saying that it is okay for someone to hit you or hurt you - it is about learning how to raise your vibration so that you do not keep attracting these unwanted relationships.)
Why Relationships Feel Good and Breakups Feel Bad
To truly understand reason #3 for why you keep manifesting bad relationships, it is important to understand why relationships feel so good and why breakups can feel so bad in the first place.
One of the reasons that relationships feel so good when they start is because your partner looks at you with total adoration and love, which then makes it easier to give yourself permission to view yourself this way too.
Likewise, when you initially start a relationship, it is easy to look at your partner from a place of total love as well. This ability to give and receive love so freely is the feeling of unconditional love. It is like, to quote Abraham Hicks, looking at each other through the eyes of Source.
However, this love is not truly unconditional. At some point, your partner is going to do or say something that displeases you. You let your love vibration lower a little bit, and then you start to notice other things about your partner that displease you. Your partner may start to notice things about you that displeases them as well.
It starts to become very painful because you are no longer looking at each other through the eyes of Source. And because your partner is looking at you with displeasure, you feel like you no longer have permission to view yourself with unconditional love, and it feels painful.
You're Making Your Happiness Dependent on Your Partner
When you start a relationship from the place of needing your partner to always approve of you so you can approve of yourself, you are setting yourself up for failure. People will not always act exactly the way that you want them to, and at some point you and your partner will disagree about something.
It does not mean that the relationship is a failure or that something has gone wrong, it just means that you have different perspectives about something. To be human is to have different life experiences, and with that, different beliefs about right and wrong that change even throughout your lifetime. Consequently, you and your partner will not always agree about everything 100% of the time.
So the trick to maintaining a good relationship, first and foremost, is to make sure that your happiness is dependent on you and not your partner. You have to feel good about yourself for who you are, and if you do not feel that way, work through your limiting beliefs or take action to make yourself into a person that you are proud of.
Not only is feeling good about yourself good for you, but it is good for your partner as well. Allowing space for your partner to be able to disagree with your gives them breathing room to be themselves and be honest. You can also set better boundaries because you are not afraid of having love withheld or taken away from you for doing so, because the love is already cultivated from within you. Overall, you form a deeper and more satisfying relationship when you take personal responsibility for your own happiness.
Love Is More Than Sparks
It is usually pretty easy in the beginning of a relationship to feel really good about each other (the honeymoon phase), but eventually in most relationships the feeling mellows out. So what can you do to keep the sparks going?
One of the tricks to maintaining a solid long-term relationship is to think about this relationship from a larger perspective. We have a belief culturally that a relationship but always feel like a rush and an excitable sizzle, but what we forget is that our partners in a way become one of our best friends. And best friends tend to be less "exciting" and more "comfortable."
But comfort and stability are equally, if not more valuable in loving relationships. Having someone that is there for you when you come home from a long day at work or taking care of the kids is love too. So it is okay if your relationship isn't the most "exciting" one, as long as you love each other and your values mesh together well. Love can be a sexy date out, but it can also be going to the grocery store together to buy toilet paper for the house.
A spark may start the fire but a gentle smolder will keep you warm.
Choose to See the Good in Yourself and in Your Partner
After thinking about the long-term perspective, the most important trick to ensuring that you have a good relationship with your partner is to continuously remind yourself about what you like about them.
You can think about things like about them like how they look, their mannerisms, and their values. Do you like how they always listen to you and comfort you when you're upset? Do you like how they call their mother on Sundays, or how they make you coffee in the morning?
Every day focus on aspects of them that you appreciate, and you will find yourself loving your partner more and more!
Did you enjoy the last part of this series on relationships? Would you like some further help in working through your limiting beliefs about love? Sign up for a 1:1 private coaching session with me to declutter those limiting beliefs for good so you can manifest your dream partner.